The Price is Right

So this is how it goes.....

Me, "Does this look ok?"
Him, "Yeah... you look good. Why? Who are you trying to impress, some guy at work?"
Me, "No, please.... everyone I work with is OLD!"
Him, "Yeah, well there are plenty of hot grandmothers out there.... I could even fuck a hot gramma... on her plastic couch.... while we watch Price if Right."

Pause..... hmmm... WOW - yeah, I heard him right, he did just say that!

All I can do is laugh.

Halloween

This is perhaps the end of an era. Probably the last year I will be able to talk the kidlets into having some sort of combo costume. (And hopefully the last that I am up for hours and hours hunched over a sewing machine trying to pull it off without REALLY knowing how to sew!) Let's take a moment to pause while I wipe the tears from my eye. Its been a good run. But alas, sad, but true, they are growing up and no longer easily manipulated convinced to do what Mom wants.

So I am taking a walk down memory lane, back to when they were young and cute and had no idea how embarrassing it would be that someday I would be posting these pictures of them on the internet oh so innocent and trusting.

There was the first Halloween I had two. Yeah, DQ had a few cute Halloweens before the arrival of DP Joe. But nothing is more fun than couple costumes!!! I was so EXCITED to have two! But apparently I wasn't quite over the fact that I had a son, not another daughter. D begged me not to emasculate his new son in this way, but I thought it was adorable....



Oh it's gets better! The next year it was even more brilliant! Being 7, DQ wanted to be something much more regal (and worthy of her Queen status). No prob says Mom! I modify someone's old prom dress (Thank you Value Village!) to make her the cutest princess - complete with the garniture and pointy tall hat. Notice how utterly happy she is! DP Joe gets to be the frog with the red lips on his cheek where he's been kissed! tee hee. Notice he looks less thrilled than last year. Yeah, quick learner. He knows now, last year wasn't a fluke, this shit's gonna continue.



Now, year three was by far my personal favorite. I actually sewed both costumes with the MIL's help AND it just so happens that this combo was near and dear to my heart because once upon a LONG time ago, my brother and I were this combo. Raggedy Ann and Andy with Cody being Teddy E. Bear. Come on, let me here you say it, ahhhhh...This picture (of course) does not do justice to DQ's costume with red rick rack and full pantaloons. Other than the fact that most of her friends had NO IDEA what she was, she liked the attention from all of the adults who TOTALLY knew who she was and appropriately ohh'd and ahhh'd. I'm sure I will hear from DP Joe some day, "Mom... A doll? WTF?" Again, deep under that red wig I'm sure he's thinking.... is this mockery ever going to end? Answer: No, probably not. After all, isn't this WHY I had kids?

The Angel vs. the Devil. Ah, how true it is! The truth is these two really should have been reversed! But again, trying not to scar the poor boy for life. Notice the increase in his excitement? He's practically going to burst if he has to be still for one more picture. Yippy, maybe I finally scored with this one! Oh yeah, forgot, it wasn't the costume that had him excited, he was at MIL's and totally hopped up on sugar from all the Halloween candy. Surprised this picture even turned out and he wasn't just a blur in my lens! What you can't see is the awesome red tights with flames he's wearing under his cape! Yeah the debauchery!

But fear not DP Joe, your year is finally here! No longer can Mom assume since you are little you will not understand how sissy her costume picks have been for you. You are now old enough to say, "Not so much." Well the truth is, you learned NO a long time ago, but this year, lucky for you, you perfected the oh so cute and adorable doe eyes look combined with the sweet, sappy, "Please, mom, wouldn't this be so cool?" plea. Yeah that one STILL gets me. Again, quick learner! How could I say no!

And this was the costume of all costumes for him. Complete with the dragon tattoo on the chest. Still the one he remembers the most, the one he goes back to every year and wants to be again. But aside from the fact that EVERYONE is on the pirate bandwagon (or should I say ship.. argg!) these days, I was a little concerned about how he kept veering off to the right, into the street while we were trick-or-treating. Apparently, although the eye patch looks cool, it affects his equilibrium. YEAH! Turns out the patches in the medical supply section of Wally World aren't the best costume accessory for a child who uses BOTH eyes to see! (Don't tell the folks judging the 'Mother of the Year contest!) DQ was his pirate bride. Wasn't too creative in figuring out how to make that obvious. It didn't hurt that just a few weeks prior she was the flower girl in The Gnome's wedding.

So, I had to come up with something cool enough to convince DP Joe to let go of his pirate obsession. (NO REPEATS!) Not easy feat, trust me! Years later he is STILL dressing up in full pirate garb on occasion! This glow in the dark skeleton barely cut it. DQ is wearing a lovely woman's dress shirt which I fixed up with some gauze to be ghoulish. The wig filled with plastic bugs was the capstone and her fav!

But the home made costumes are not quite as cool as the store bought super hero variety...... I knew this day would come.....Finally we move away from Mom's homemade creations to the more main stream cool choices with (GASP!) masks. What you can't see is DP Joe's fake chest muscles and DQ's mini skirt and boots... MEOW! Yeah a little frightening when you darling little girl goes from baggy sweats to knee high boots and a black leather mini skirt... HOLY Kitty Cat Batman!

So that brings us to this year... when amazingly enough I have once again managed to pull this off. The sewing machine was still going Halloween morning as I apparently have yet to understand that I lost the Mother of the Year contest a long time ago fervently finished DQ's costume (yes, I drug my sewing machine to work!) And in the end, as it always manages to do, it came together without a hitch.

Little DQ Riding Hood and the Big Bad Joe!

TGIF

Rocks

Sometimes I view this blog as a way to let go of what burdens me. The heavy rocks we carry around that weigh us down, and unless we figure out how to let them go, they will eventually break us. So I put my rocks here. OK, not always. I admit sometimes this blog is all fun and games.

But sometimes it is little pieces of my heart I put here.

I label my post.... spill my guts.... and then heftily toss it out into cyber space. Let go. Let God.

And I admit I do occasionally feel lighter having done this.

Of course there are the rocks I have yet to learn how to let go of. Sometimes I am just not ready to let go or afraid.... Those are tucked safely in my pocket. I reach in and hold it, feeling it, rubbing it, trying to define it and make sense of it. Sometimes I take it out wanting to let it go, but just not quite able to.... yet. But every rock has its day.

Mostly, when I look back at what I've written, I feel like I've left a trail of stones on my journey through the woods, that tell who I am, where I've been, who I've become, what I have learned.

The Weight of the World

I've only lost about 10 lbs......

But clothes that haven't fit me in ages are now loose and actually somewhat falling off.

I wish Oscar (my scale) would come around to my way of thinking, but he is stubborn. He is just an honest reflection of the reality, can't really take it out on him (well, actually, I can and I do, but that's embarrassing.... say nothing of the fact that I am MORE embarrassed that I talk to my scale than I am of my FAT ASS! Moving on....).

I'm not loosing this weight as fast as I would like. That fact that it took 3 years to gain it, not important. (OK, so, yeah, getting involved again and cooking lots of food that almost always contains lots of love and cheese, and allowing the couch to know my butt better than the river trail used to, yeah no surprise, I easily gained weight. I KNOW! Should've seen that coming!) But why is it so fecking hard to lose?

So I've been back at my routine of exercise being a consistent part of my life. I am running again (almost daily) and weight training (4-5 days a week). I'm not really trying to diet (OK so I eat an egg every morning now, instead of nothing, but this doesn't really make up for the pizza I had for dinner last night). And there always the "Muscle weighs more than fat" theory that I cling to when I notice my biceps now have a hard curve to them. But its still not enough to completely convince me. I am still hoping one day when Oscar and I meet in the hallway, he will sweetly whisper in my ear how FUCKING KICK ASS I look (by that I mean show me a number that starts with a 1 vs. a 2). But no, he just flashes his number at me (which is SO SLOW to change). So I don't seek Oscar's company too often. And when we do, I often can be heard muttering "Feck you Oscar!" to which his number just blinks back at me. Whatever!

So instead of number gloating, I add another pair of to big "Fat Pants" to the pile of never again will I wear these. The pile to be carted off to Goodwill as soon as my closet is emptied of the "Fat Wardrobe". I like to see the pile grow. Someday soon I will part with this pile vs. shoving these items in the back of the closet, just in case. No safety nets, nothing to fall (or grow) back into.

I don't know how much I want to lose, so it's hard to set a goal. I know my body will get to a place where it will naturally stop loosing with what I eat and the activity I do. Far be it from me to fight nature for the last 5 or 10 (or even 20) pounds. I know it's cliche, but I really just want to look and feel better. I know if I work out, and eat generally better, I will lose weight. How much I don't know. But I don't want to set a goal that if I don't meet I can add to the list of things I wish I did better. So I won't set a number to meet.

It seems this time rather than looking to Oscar for reassurance, I tend to run just a little longer and little harder every week. I tend to do one more set of weight reps. Add a few more sit ups to my routine.

The numbers may never look good enough to me. Even when it does change, I find it is never enough at one time. You know how it is, you lose and then like a greedy child you just want more and more. And that ever elusive last few pounds becomes your nemesis and the number never gets low enough and you give up and say "Feck it, why am I working so hard?". Not this time. I run not just to loose weight but as a personal challenge to push past the pain. Because sometimes life hurts, but you have to keep pushing on. So I tell myself I can go just a little farther before I walk again. And sometimes life is hard and you don't want to continue, but you do. This is what I tell myself in the morning when I get out of my warm bed just before 5 to pull on my running clothes and head out into the damp, dark morning. And sometimes life isn't fair, it doesn't come easy, and you don't always get what you want, when you want it. That is what I remind myself when Oscar is stubborn.

So I won't base my success on Oscar's tally. BUT when I am up from running only 30 seconds at a time to over 3 and 1/2 minutes, I know I am making progress (actually I am sure this is better than even before when I was running). And hopefully when I catch a glimpse in the mirror of the hot girl on the treadmill, I will smile as she goes for 30 more seconds.

Recipes

http://www.myrecipes.com/recipes/main

I LOVE this site! you can search for recipes, add them to your own collection, create menus, shopping lists. You can also enter your own recipes too!

The Alaskan and I tried the fish tacos, and we both agree they were great! Here's the recipe:

Fish Tacos with Lime-Cilantro Crema

Ingredients

object2="> Crema:
object2=">1/4 cup thinly sliced green onions
object2=">1/4 cup chopped fresh cilantro
object2=">3 tablespoons fat-free mayonnaise
object2=">3 tablespoons reduced-fat sour cream
object2=">1 teaspoon grated lime rind
object2=">1 1/2 teaspoons fresh lime juice
object2=">1/4 teaspoon salt
object2=">1 garlic clove, minced
object2=">
Tacos:
object2=">1 teaspoon ground cumin
object2=">1 teaspoon ground coriander
object2=">1/2 teaspoon smoked paprika
object2=">1/4 teaspoon ground red pepper
object2=">1/8 teaspoon salt
object2=">1/8 teaspoon garlic powder
object2=">1 1/2 pounds red snapper fillets
object2="> Cooking spray
object2=">8 (6-inch) corn tortillas
object2=">2 cups shredded lettuce
1 tomato diced
1 small avocado diced

Preparation

Preheat oven to 425°.

To prepare crema, combine the first 8 ingredients in a small bowl; set aside.

To prepare tacos, combine first 6 ingredients (cumin through garlic powder) in a small bowl; sprinkle spice mixture evenly over both sides of fish. Place fish on a baking sheet coated with cooking spray. Bake at 425° for 9 minutes or until fish flakes easily when tested with a fork or until desired degree of doneness. Place fish in a bowl; break into pieces with a fork. Heat tortillas according to package directions. Divide fish evenly among tortillas; top each with 1/4 cup lettuce, some avocado, tomato and 1 tablespoon crema.

Lessons Learned

There's some things that I regret,
Some words I wish had gone unsaid,
Some starts, That had some bitter endings,
Been some bad times I've been through,
Damage I cannot undo,
Some things, I wish I could do all all over again,
But it don't really matter,
Life gets that much harder,
It makes you that much stronger,
Oh, some pages turned, Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned.

And every tear that had to fall from my eyes,
Everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night,
Every change, life has thrown me,
I'm thankful, for every break in my heart,
I'm grateful, for every scar,
Some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned.

There's mistakes that I have made,
Some chances I just threw away,
Some roads, I never should've taken,
Been some signs I didn't see,
Hearts that I hurt needlessly,
Some wounds, That I wish I could have one more chance to mend,
But it don't make no difference,
The past can't be rewritten,
You get the life you're given,
Oh, some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were, lessons learned.

And all the things that break you,
Are all the things that make you strong,
You can't change the past,
Cause it's gone,
And you just gotta move on,
Because it's all,
Lessons Learned.

Lessons Learned - Carrie Underwood

32.... Now What?

Freaking Years Old!

How the Hell did that happen? It seems like just yesterday when I thought 30 was way old. And then I turned 30 and I think I thought time would just stop there. No such luck! So here I am 32.... and I have to ask.... now what? For as long as I can remember, we had age milestones that we looked towards. When I'm 18... when I'm 21... when I'm 30.... but once those have come (and gone), then what?

I think I mostly feel good about where I am at. Glad to be older. Thankful to be wiser. I don't get the patronizing tone of 'When your older, you'll understand' bullshit. I no longer find myself wishing to be older/wiser/better/different. I know that I am right where I need to be. I can still doubt myself at times, but I find more and more that I'm not unsure of myself as much as I once was. Navigating the terrain in front of me with the opinions of other people as my map and light never got me anywhere, accept further lost and stuck. Why it was that I learned to trust others more than I trusted my own inner voice, is hard to say. But I did.

Now I am trying to navigate my own path. It was like cresting the hill and now the view is different.

I just am who I am. Where I once struggled to be the best I could be, I am content that I am not perfect. I like myself. Imperfections and all. When I was younger, I worried people wouldn't like me, but the older I get I realize people love me for who I am, and it is better that they love for for who I am then who I am not. Sounds so cliché, but I think I get this more now than I ever have in the past. So many times I have found myself searching for the approval of others, when really the best thing I have found is my own approval of myself.

So to answer my own question... now what? Well, I don't know. But what I do know... the view looks good.

Trix are for Kids

I'm not good at Birthdays. It seems every year, I get the shit end of the stick when it comes to celebrating my birthday. "Always the bridesmaid, never the bride"..... Always the planner, never the party girl. Ah well, there are worse things right? Well.... no, not really. It is shitty for your birthday to roll around and have everyone be flummoxed as to how to treat someone to a special day.

Year after year, this happens to me. It's to the point that the only thing that amazes me is my disappointment. You'd think by now I would learn I am not 10 years old anymore. Everyone is not going to come together to eat, drink, be merry and celebrate. Well, that is, unless I plan it.

I don't mean for people to feel pressure. I don't think I'm high maintenances or hard to please. Everyone looks to me "What are you doing for your birthday?" But often times if I'm not planning my own event, people just plain give up. And I should just learn...

"Silly girl Trix are for kids"

The Way That We Live

......Women who long, love, lust - Women who give
This is the way - It's the way that we live

Talking, laughing, loving, breathing,
fighting, fucking, crying, drinking,
writing, winning, losing, cheating,
kissing, thinking, dreaming.

This is the way - It's the way that we live
It's the way that we live....
...And love