Regret

"Times are far between, and few I bet, when we can look upon our lives without regret.
Of all the things I have done, you think I'm proud of everyone without exception?

'Till you make your peace with yesterday, you'll never build a future.
I swear by what I say." - 10,000 Maniacs, Few and Far Between, Our Time in Eden

Regret is a funny thing. We do the best we can in the moment and yet, we look back and question the choices we've made and what might have been had we chosen a different path. What if I hadn't left? What if I had fucked you that night you came on to me? Were you mad because I said no, or because you knew I wanted to say yes? What if I hadn't fallen so quickly for the first guy to look my way? What if...? Yet, why do we insist on being so critical of our choices and ultimately, ourselves? The truth is, choices are like dominoes, one tumbling against the next. We cannot go back. We cannot undo.

So we must make peace, and move forward. Sometimes it's simple: Although I would have made a different decision today, the decision I made created no messes. Other times, the guilt of possibly making the wrong decision stays with you like the sour smell of clothes that stayed in the washer long after the cycle finished. What am I looking for? What do I want? Absolution? Possibly. But I don't think it's that easy.