So the Rooomie, being depressed about Miss Jessica Rabbit comes home one night and says, "Let's get drunk!" And I'm like, "Bring it!" Because after all, I am nothing if I am not a joiner! So we proceed to VERY quickly POUND a bottle of vodka with an energy drink chaser. Yeah, shocking I know! Because if you KNOW me and my drinking habits, you KNOW I don't drink anything quickly. I am OFTEN the one whose beer gets warm before it is half done and when I do drink I am more likely to pass out fast asleep before I could finish a bottle. And other than a few times in the company of the Egyptian, I have never emptied a whole bottle IN ONE NIGHT! So, in reality, Roomie pounded 3/4 of the bottle while I very pleasantly threw back a few shots. Just enough to not be able to walk strait, you know what I'm talkin' about!
But he was TRASHED!!!! Before I knew if he was laughing so hard, head thrown back on the couch, I thought he would pass out from holding his breath! I even took pictures of him because I'm not sure what was so funny that made him laugh, but I sure as hell knew what I was laughing at!!! Did I mention, he is not the "seasoned" drinker? He didn't know about SLOWLY crashing and burning.... as those crazy asshats who taught me to drink demonstrated so many times.... no, he only knows one speed. FAST! This all happens in about a half hour! So yeah, when he gets down to business, he really gets down to business!!! Which is all fun and games until the phone comes out of the pocket.....
"Oh no, we don't drunk dial!!" I try to tell him, but he can't be stopped. Before I know it there is mumbled heated arguing and then there are tears. So, yeah, I'm off... to bed. You can take it from here, right? Yeah... thought so.
I crawl in, my eyes shut before I even hit the pillow. Because after all, for me, nothing beats the feeling of the bed after I've had a few. Don't know how long I was asleep before I hear something.... muffled talking.... in my room. WTF? I peel one eye open, peer over the edge of my 4 foot high bed to see Roomie sitting on my floor STILL ON THE PHONE. Um, Hello, I SAID NO DRUNK DIALING, especially in my room.... while I'm trying to sleep! But the bed is warm and my eyes close again and the muffled sounds of talking slowly rock me back to sleep.
And then again, I am awakened by something... a noise.... AGAIN in my room.... but this time lying RIGHT NEXT TO ME. So YES: a "bugger" could break in the house and crawl into my bed with me and clearly, unless he was gagging, have his FECKING wicked way with me all while I drunkenly slept. SCARY!!! Ok, so maybe not have his wicked way with me, pretty sure I would wake up for that, especially if he was good with his hands.... but I digress....
WTF? Again. Why is Rommie in bed with me? But, why ask why? And besides there are more pressing issues.... And yes, since you were paying attention I said gagging.... followed by the sound of something wet. OMFG he's throwing up! IN MY BED! On my GOOD sheets!!! And no, previously in the night, there was no mind numbing, earth shattering, glorious, sweaty, hot, naked, multiple orgasms sex that may have made this offense somehow better. Nope, just puke!
I try to wake him, NOPE. So I push him off my bed. Yeah four feet off the floor and like a fecking cat he lands on all fours and SURPRISE, SURPRISE.... he throws up AGAIN.
Good Times, Good Times.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment