Whether we are looking for validation or appreciation, we push farther and harder, risking so much, and not really getting what we want, but none the less, pushing the limits and boundaries of relationships to the very edge.
I think I do this in a bit of a self-sabotaging way. I don't know if I'm hoping to be rejected, or for some sort of confirmation that I am wanted. I think more than either of these two, which are both scary in their own way, I want to be understood, to be validated. I want someone to "get me". I want someone to take me by the hand and lead, for a little while. Just for a little while. Someone who will just make this a little bit easier.
Lest I make any more mistakes for which I cannot take back. I don't want to not be able to look you in the eye, and I fear that if I continue down this path I will be afraid to look at you; that I might catch the reflection of my own stupidity in your eyes.
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