"Was it an accident I saw that? He wondered...... Or is it just that the world unwraps itself to you, again and again, as soon as you are ready to see it anew?"
Wicked, Gregory Maguire
Showing posts with label What I am reading. Show all posts
Showing posts with label What I am reading. Show all posts
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Monday, August 18, 2008
Waking up
"Time passes. Even when it seems impossible. Even when each tick of the second hand aches like the pulse of blood behind a bruise. It passes unevenly, in strange lurches and dragging lulls, but pass it does. Even for me......
....Whatever it was that had happened.... it had woken me up."
New Moon ~ Stephenie Meyer
....Whatever it was that had happened.... it had woken me up."
New Moon ~ Stephenie Meyer
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Healing
I got out a saucepan to heat water for tea - I hadn't found the kettle yet; I suppose it was in one of the few kitchen boxes I had yet to empty. I'd drink a mug of Sleepytime, and then, when I was sure I could no longer keep my eyes open, I'd go upstairs to lie down. In the morning, I could cross off another day. I put my hands to my lower back, stretched, allowed myself an oh God. "Healing hurts," someone at John's service had told me. "But hurting heals."
-excerpt from The Year of Pleasure by Elizabeth Berg
-excerpt from The Year of Pleasure by Elizabeth Berg
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
Miles to Go....
Sometimes I stand back and consider all that lay before me. I consider how far I've come, who I am and all that I have accomplished. But the truth is I have miles to go....
Stopping By Woods on a Snowy Evening
by:Robert Frost
Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.
My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.
He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.
The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.
.... and stopping here and enjoying the view would be nice. But I do indeed have promises to keep and miles to go......
Stopping By Woods on a Snowy Evening
by:Robert Frost
Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.
My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.
He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.
The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.
.... and stopping here and enjoying the view would be nice. But I do indeed have promises to keep and miles to go......
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Addiction
Reading a new book called Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gillbert. Absolutely LOVING it. As in I am devouring each and every word, absolutely gulping them down like a tall glass of water. My head tilted back, eyes closed, trickles of water running out of the corner of my mouth and down my face.... not wanting to waste, not wanting to finish with out savoring, but can't quite slow down either. Yeah, it's THAT GOOD! Here is one excerpt that I am addicted to (no pun intended):
"Addiction is the hallmark of every infatuation-based love story, It all begins when the object of your adoration bestows upon you a heady, hallucinogenic dose of something you never ever dared to admit you wanted - an emotional speedball, perhaps, of thunderous love and roiling excitement. Soon you start craving that intense attention, with the hungry obsession of any junkie. When the drug is withheld, you promptly turn sick, crazy and depleted (not to mention resentful of the dealer who encouraged this addiction in the first place but who now refuses to pony up the good stuff anymore - despite the fact that you know he has it hidden somewhere, goddamn it, because he used to give it to you for free). Next stage finds you skinny and shaking in the corner, certain only that you would sell your soul or rob your neighbors just to have that thing even one more time. Meanwhile, the object of your adoration has now become repulsed by you. He looks at you like you're someone he's never met before, much less someone he once loved with high passion. The irony is, you can hardy blame him. I mean, check yourself out. You're a pathetic mess, unrecognizable even in your own eyes.
So that's it. You have reached infatuation's final destination - the complete and merciless devaluation of self."
Oh boy....
I imagine sitting in a room. A fan slowly whirling above me and the circle of faceless people. I stand and say:
"Hello." and I state my name "I am an addict"
The group of faceless strangers reply back, "Hello..."
Maybe I have always intrinsically understood I was prone to addiction. Afraid always of needing anything. But somehow, I let myself want this. Didn't even understand that I wanted it let alone that I could come to crave and need it. Now fighting that feeling of loneliness that comes when the high wears off.....
Which brings me to one of her excerpts about loneliness. When she finds herself dealing with loneliness she tells herself in absolute resolve (that I am so jealous of):
"So be lonely, learn your way around loneliness. Make a map of it. Sit with it, for once in your life. Welcome to the human experience. But never again use another person's body or emotions as a scratching post for you own unfulfilled yearnings."
Oh my f-word-ing Gad! (Opps, I apologize... lordy, should probably not be so profane... especially when the book is about gaining spiritual insight). But is that not beautifully, beautifully stated? Yeah... goosebumps.
"Addiction is the hallmark of every infatuation-based love story, It all begins when the object of your adoration bestows upon you a heady, hallucinogenic dose of something you never ever dared to admit you wanted - an emotional speedball, perhaps, of thunderous love and roiling excitement. Soon you start craving that intense attention, with the hungry obsession of any junkie. When the drug is withheld, you promptly turn sick, crazy and depleted (not to mention resentful of the dealer who encouraged this addiction in the first place but who now refuses to pony up the good stuff anymore - despite the fact that you know he has it hidden somewhere, goddamn it, because he used to give it to you for free). Next stage finds you skinny and shaking in the corner, certain only that you would sell your soul or rob your neighbors just to have that thing even one more time. Meanwhile, the object of your adoration has now become repulsed by you. He looks at you like you're someone he's never met before, much less someone he once loved with high passion. The irony is, you can hardy blame him. I mean, check yourself out. You're a pathetic mess, unrecognizable even in your own eyes.
So that's it. You have reached infatuation's final destination - the complete and merciless devaluation of self."
Oh boy....
I imagine sitting in a room. A fan slowly whirling above me and the circle of faceless people. I stand and say:
"Hello." and I state my name "I am an addict"
The group of faceless strangers reply back, "Hello..."
Maybe I have always intrinsically understood I was prone to addiction. Afraid always of needing anything. But somehow, I let myself want this. Didn't even understand that I wanted it let alone that I could come to crave and need it. Now fighting that feeling of loneliness that comes when the high wears off.....
Which brings me to one of her excerpts about loneliness. When she finds herself dealing with loneliness she tells herself in absolute resolve (that I am so jealous of):
"So be lonely, learn your way around loneliness. Make a map of it. Sit with it, for once in your life. Welcome to the human experience. But never again use another person's body or emotions as a scratching post for you own unfulfilled yearnings."
Oh my f-word-ing Gad! (Opps, I apologize... lordy, should probably not be so profane... especially when the book is about gaining spiritual insight). But is that not beautifully, beautifully stated? Yeah... goosebumps.
Wednesday, March 7, 2007
Shoot the Moon
Mark edged closer to the table. "What does it mean, 'shoot the moon'?"
"It means he's gonna go for all the tricks."
"The whole kit and kaboodle. " Jackson said.
"Kind of like getting married." Lonnie explained.
"How's that?" Mark asked
"Well, say you find you a woman and you just can't get enough of. You want her so bad you can't eat, can't sleep.
"Now you know this is a woman who's gonna keep your bed warm on cold nights, make you potato soup when you're sick. She'd gonna believe you even when you're lying. Hell, she's the only person in the world who's gonna know what you wanted that you never got, and what you got that you never wanted.
"But you know for certain there's gonna be times when this woman's gonna make you miserable. She's gonna bitch if you forget your anniversary. She's gonna want you to watch some crying movie on TV when there's a ball game you wanna see. She'll expect you to skip your poker game and keep her company when she's feeling blue. In other works, she's gonna be a pain in the ass some of the time.
"So, you gotta make a decision. What are you gonna do? Walk away from her? Or go for it all. Give her up? Or shoot the moon."
"Well...." Mark looked into one face after another while all four of the domino boys waited. They were sizing him up. And he knew that his answer would, for them at least, determine what kind of man he was.
Finally he said, "Well, I guess I'd shoot the moon."
"It means he's gonna go for all the tricks."
"The whole kit and kaboodle. " Jackson said.
"Kind of like getting married." Lonnie explained.
"How's that?" Mark asked
"Well, say you find you a woman and you just can't get enough of. You want her so bad you can't eat, can't sleep.
"Now you know this is a woman who's gonna keep your bed warm on cold nights, make you potato soup when you're sick. She'd gonna believe you even when you're lying. Hell, she's the only person in the world who's gonna know what you wanted that you never got, and what you got that you never wanted.
"But you know for certain there's gonna be times when this woman's gonna make you miserable. She's gonna bitch if you forget your anniversary. She's gonna want you to watch some crying movie on TV when there's a ball game you wanna see. She'll expect you to skip your poker game and keep her company when she's feeling blue. In other works, she's gonna be a pain in the ass some of the time.
"So, you gotta make a decision. What are you gonna do? Walk away from her? Or go for it all. Give her up? Or shoot the moon."
"Well...." Mark looked into one face after another while all four of the domino boys waited. They were sizing him up. And he knew that his answer would, for them at least, determine what kind of man he was.
Finally he said, "Well, I guess I'd shoot the moon."
-excerpt from Shoot the Moon by Billie Letts
I guess that's what it all comes down to.... relationships require sacrifices. They require you to give of yourself in a way that may make you vulnerable. It may push at your boundaries and this can make you feel uncomfortable. Willingness to make sacrifices, to give of yourself, will determine a lot about who you are. It is risky to put yourself out there. After all you may be rejected. Is the pay off worth the risk? Do you give only to a point? Or do you give it all? Do you shoot the moon?
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