(Elphaba):
I'm limited
Just look at me - I'm limited
And just look at you
You can do all I couldn't do, Glinda
So now it's up to you
For both of us - now it's up to you...
(Glinda):
I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you...
Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good
(Elphaba):
It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend...
Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
(Glinda):
Because I knew you
(Both):
I have been changed for good
(Elphaba):
And just to clear the air
I ask forgiveness
For the things I've done you blame me for
(Glinda):
But then, I guess we know
There's blame to share
(Both):
And none of it seems to matter anymore
(Glinda):
Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
(Elphaba):
Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a bird in the wood
(Both):
Who can say if I've been
Changed for the better?
I do believe I have been
Changed for the better
(Glinda):
And because I knew you...
(Elphaba):
Because I knew you...
(Both):
Because I knew you...
I have been changed for good...
Kristin Chenoweth - For Good from Wicked
Showing posts with label Life's theme music. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Life's theme music. Show all posts
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Friday, February 8, 2008
Angel
Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance
For a break that would make it okay
There’s always some reason
To feel not good enough
And it’s hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
Oh beautiful release
Memory seeps from my veins
Let me be empty
And weightless and maybe
I’ll find some peace tonight
In the arms of an angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You’re in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort there
So tired of the straight line
And everywhere you turn
There’s vultures and thieves at your back
And the storm keeps on twisting
You keep on building the lies
That you make up for all that you lack
It don’t make no difference
Escaping one last time
It’s easier to believe in this sweet madness oh
This glorious sadness that brings me to my knees
This song reminds me of the ever present discontent that hides in the shadows most of the time, but when things slow down this time of year, seems to capture more time in thought than it should. Spending time in our minds thinking and rethinking all that lay behind us and before us. Sometimes all I want is that distraction to pull me out of the depths of my own madness. To not be so consumed with second chances ~ because all that is done is just that: done.
Silent Reverie.....
For that second chance
For a break that would make it okay
There’s always some reason
To feel not good enough
And it’s hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
Oh beautiful release
Memory seeps from my veins
Let me be empty
And weightless and maybe
I’ll find some peace tonight
In the arms of an angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You’re in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort there
So tired of the straight line
And everywhere you turn
There’s vultures and thieves at your back
And the storm keeps on twisting
You keep on building the lies
That you make up for all that you lack
It don’t make no difference
Escaping one last time
It’s easier to believe in this sweet madness oh
This glorious sadness that brings me to my knees
This song reminds me of the ever present discontent that hides in the shadows most of the time, but when things slow down this time of year, seems to capture more time in thought than it should. Spending time in our minds thinking and rethinking all that lay behind us and before us. Sometimes all I want is that distraction to pull me out of the depths of my own madness. To not be so consumed with second chances ~ because all that is done is just that: done.
Silent Reverie.....
Thursday, February 7, 2008
Back 2 Good
"Back 2 Good"
It's nothing,it's so normal
you just stand there
I could say so much But I don't go there cuz I don't want to
I was thinking if you were lonely Maybe we could leave here and no one would know
At least not to the point that we would think so
Everyone here, knows everyone here is thinking about somebody else
It's best if we all keep it under our heads
I couldn't tell, if anyone here was feeling the way I do
But I'm lonely now, and I don't know how To get it back to good
This don't mean that, you own me
This ain't no good, in fact it's phony as hell
But things worked out just like you wanted too
If you see me out you don't know me Try to turn your head, try to give me some room
To figure out just what I'm going to do
And everyone here, hates everyone here for doing just like they do
It's best if we all keep this quiet instead
And I couldn't tell, why everyone here was doing me like they do
But I'm sorry now, and I don't know how To get it back to good
Everyone here, is wondering what it's like to be with somebody else
Everyone here's to blame,
everyone here gets caught up in the pleasure of the pain,
everyone hides shades of shame,
but looking inside we're the same, And we're all grown now,
but we don't know how To get it back to good
Everyone here, knows everyone here is thinking 'bout somebody else
It's best if we all keep this under our heads I couldn't tell, if anyone here was feeling the way I do
But it's over now, and I don't know how, it's over now
There's no getting back to good
It's nothing,it's so normal
you just stand there
I could say so much But I don't go there cuz I don't want to
I was thinking if you were lonely Maybe we could leave here and no one would know
At least not to the point that we would think so
Everyone here, knows everyone here is thinking about somebody else
It's best if we all keep it under our heads
I couldn't tell, if anyone here was feeling the way I do
But I'm lonely now, and I don't know how To get it back to good
This don't mean that, you own me
This ain't no good, in fact it's phony as hell
But things worked out just like you wanted too
If you see me out you don't know me Try to turn your head, try to give me some room
To figure out just what I'm going to do
And everyone here, hates everyone here for doing just like they do
It's best if we all keep this quiet instead
And I couldn't tell, why everyone here was doing me like they do
But I'm sorry now, and I don't know how To get it back to good
Everyone here, is wondering what it's like to be with somebody else
Everyone here's to blame,
everyone here gets caught up in the pleasure of the pain,
everyone hides shades of shame,
but looking inside we're the same, And we're all grown now,
but we don't know how To get it back to good
Everyone here, knows everyone here is thinking 'bout somebody else
It's best if we all keep this under our heads I couldn't tell, if anyone here was feeling the way I do
But it's over now, and I don't know how, it's over now
There's no getting back to good
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Thank U
To explain where I've been in the last 6 months, to describe how I got here..... well, I'm not sure I really can. I had to fall down really hard. Bruised and broken. Staring out into nothing wondering if I would ever shake this empty feeling in my gut. That feeling that tells you, this time you really fucked up. And I had. I hated myself. I hated where I was. I was so utterly lost. Was I being hard on myself? yes....and no. The truth is, I made some pretty bad decisions. And as my cursor blinks at the end of that last sentences, all I can think is: what an understatement.
For all of the bad decisions, that to this day I can still replay in my mind wondering what would have happened at each turn had a did or said something different, I did make one good decision: In the end, I trusted the right person. Probably for the first time ever in my relationship with the Alaskan, I trusted that he would be able to handle this.
It was a HUGE gamble to admit my mistakes to him. For in this, I wasn't the only one who had made mistakes. He had his own burden to bear as well. But the only way for to get to it, was to go through it. I had to quit blaming him for everything. And even more, I had to let go of the notion that I could control his response.
I think I have always feared that if I let him in, if I trusted him completely, he would just leave. I never trusted that we had anything that would cause him to stay. Eventually, he would tire of me and he would go. And the truth is, when he really did leave, I somehow felt better, as if I could quit anticipating his departure. So for some reason in a moment of reckless abandon, a little tiny speck of bravery (maybe stupidity) allowed me to be vulnerable and bear my soul. To trust him with more of me than I had ever allowed him to see. In opening myself, I had to accept that he may still leave, but to allow him to know me and still decide to stay. I had to accept that he might hate me forever, but it was possible that he might love me more than I ever gave him credit for. And most important, I had to accept that I, ultimately, was not in control of that decision. And that, my friends, was the fork in the road, the choice I made, that has led me here today.
It's hard to describe all that has transpired. I wish I could say he took me in his arms, forgave me and all is well. But the truth is life is never quite that easy. Many times, I wondered if I had made the right decision, many times more I believed if I could do it over, I would have done it differently. The path wasn't always smooth and clear. But I know I did the right thing. I know that not only for my relationship, but for me. To be able to trust that not everyone leaves when things are hard, is an invaluable lesson I could never have learned alone.
So I am completely OK? No. I still have some bruises, that I wonder if they will ever completely go away. Am I still afraid? Yeah, sometimes I feel like I can't breathe. And then there is a moment when completely out of nowhere I catch an amazing glimpse of what it is that is so magical about relationships. In a moment of pure rambling, he says, "I was asking some of the guys at work about horses, and what the difference is between a mare and a gelding.... they said when we get a horse....." Dumbfounded, I say "You really do want to give me what I want." To which he replied, "Yeah, I do. And I will."
To completely understand this, you would have to know him and you would have to know me and our dynamics. Suffice to say, in the past I have always been the one to pay attention, and I'm the one who talks of the future. I'm the giver.
So lest I believe he never listens, or is not concerned about my dreams, but only with his own, or that he probably won't stay with me, he said I should know:
For all of the bad decisions, that to this day I can still replay in my mind wondering what would have happened at each turn had a did or said something different, I did make one good decision: In the end, I trusted the right person. Probably for the first time ever in my relationship with the Alaskan, I trusted that he would be able to handle this.
It was a HUGE gamble to admit my mistakes to him. For in this, I wasn't the only one who had made mistakes. He had his own burden to bear as well. But the only way for to get to it, was to go through it. I had to quit blaming him for everything. And even more, I had to let go of the notion that I could control his response.
I think I have always feared that if I let him in, if I trusted him completely, he would just leave. I never trusted that we had anything that would cause him to stay. Eventually, he would tire of me and he would go. And the truth is, when he really did leave, I somehow felt better, as if I could quit anticipating his departure. So for some reason in a moment of reckless abandon, a little tiny speck of bravery (maybe stupidity) allowed me to be vulnerable and bear my soul. To trust him with more of me than I had ever allowed him to see. In opening myself, I had to accept that he may still leave, but to allow him to know me and still decide to stay. I had to accept that he might hate me forever, but it was possible that he might love me more than I ever gave him credit for. And most important, I had to accept that I, ultimately, was not in control of that decision. And that, my friends, was the fork in the road, the choice I made, that has led me here today.
It's hard to describe all that has transpired. I wish I could say he took me in his arms, forgave me and all is well. But the truth is life is never quite that easy. Many times, I wondered if I had made the right decision, many times more I believed if I could do it over, I would have done it differently. The path wasn't always smooth and clear. But I know I did the right thing. I know that not only for my relationship, but for me. To be able to trust that not everyone leaves when things are hard, is an invaluable lesson I could never have learned alone.
So I am completely OK? No. I still have some bruises, that I wonder if they will ever completely go away. Am I still afraid? Yeah, sometimes I feel like I can't breathe. And then there is a moment when completely out of nowhere I catch an amazing glimpse of what it is that is so magical about relationships. In a moment of pure rambling, he says, "I was asking some of the guys at work about horses, and what the difference is between a mare and a gelding.... they said when we get a horse....." Dumbfounded, I say "You really do want to give me what I want." To which he replied, "Yeah, I do. And I will."
To completely understand this, you would have to know him and you would have to know me and our dynamics. Suffice to say, in the past I have always been the one to pay attention, and I'm the one who talks of the future. I'm the giver.
So lest I believe he never listens, or is not concerned about my dreams, but only with his own, or that he probably won't stay with me, he said I should know:
He Does, He Is and He Will.
"Thank U"
how bout getting off these antibiotics
how bout stopping eating when I'm full up
how bout them transparent dangling carrots
how bout that ever elusive kudo
thank you india
thank you terror
thank you disillusionment
thank you frailty
thank you consequence
thank you thank you silence
how bout me not blaming you for everything
how bout me enjoying the moment for once
how bout how good it feels to finally forgive you
how bout grieving it all one at a time
the moment I let go of it was the moment
I got more than I could handle
the moment I jumped off of it
was the moment I touched down
how bout no longer being masochistic
how bout remembering your divinity
how bout unabashedly bawling your eyes out
how bout not equating death with stopping
thank you india
thank you providence
thank you disillusionment
thank you nothingness
thank you clarity
thank you thank you silence
Thank U by Alanis Morissette
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Lessons Learned
There's some things that I regret,
Some words I wish had gone unsaid,
Some starts, That had some bitter endings,
Been some bad times I've been through,
Damage I cannot undo,
Some things, I wish I could do all all over again,
But it don't really matter,
Life gets that much harder,
It makes you that much stronger,
Oh, some pages turned, Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned.
And every tear that had to fall from my eyes,
Everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night,
Every change, life has thrown me,
I'm thankful, for every break in my heart,
I'm grateful, for every scar,
Some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned.
There's mistakes that I have made,
Some chances I just threw away,
Some roads, I never should've taken,
Been some signs I didn't see,
Hearts that I hurt needlessly,
Some wounds, That I wish I could have one more chance to mend,
But it don't make no difference,
The past can't be rewritten,
You get the life you're given,
Oh, some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were, lessons learned.
And all the things that break you,
Are all the things that make you strong,
You can't change the past,
Cause it's gone,
And you just gotta move on,
Because it's all,
Lessons Learned.
Some words I wish had gone unsaid,
Some starts, That had some bitter endings,
Been some bad times I've been through,
Damage I cannot undo,
Some things, I wish I could do all all over again,
But it don't really matter,
Life gets that much harder,
It makes you that much stronger,
Oh, some pages turned, Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned.
And every tear that had to fall from my eyes,
Everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night,
Every change, life has thrown me,
I'm thankful, for every break in my heart,
I'm grateful, for every scar,
Some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned.
There's mistakes that I have made,
Some chances I just threw away,
Some roads, I never should've taken,
Been some signs I didn't see,
Hearts that I hurt needlessly,
Some wounds, That I wish I could have one more chance to mend,
But it don't make no difference,
The past can't be rewritten,
You get the life you're given,
Oh, some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were, lessons learned.
And all the things that break you,
Are all the things that make you strong,
You can't change the past,
Cause it's gone,
And you just gotta move on,
Because it's all,
Lessons Learned.
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
The Way That We Live
......Women who long, love, lust - Women who give
This is the way - It's the way that we live
Talking, laughing, loving, breathing,
fighting, fucking, crying, drinking,
writing, winning, losing, cheating,
kissing, thinking, dreaming.
This is the way - It's the way that we live
It's the way that we live....
...And love
This is the way - It's the way that we live
Talking, laughing, loving, breathing,
fighting, fucking, crying, drinking,
writing, winning, losing, cheating,
kissing, thinking, dreaming.
This is the way - It's the way that we live
It's the way that we live....
...And love
Saturday, September 8, 2007
Maybe
I'm strong, But I break
I'm stubborn and I make plenty of mistakes
Yeah I'm hard and life with me is never easy to figure out, to love
I'm jaded but oh so lovely
All you have to do is hold me
And you'll know and you'll see just how sweet it can be
If you'll trust me, love me, let me
Maybe, maybe
Someday
When we're at the same place
When we're on the same road
When it's okay to hold my hand
Without feeling lost
Without all the excuses
When it's just because you love me, you let me, you need me
Then maybe, maybe
All you have to do is hold me
And you'll know and you'll see just how sweet it can be
If you'll trust me, love me, let me
Maybe, maybe
I'm confusing as hell, I'm north and south
And I'll probably never have it all figured out
But what I know is I wasn't meant to walk this world without you
And I promise I'll try, I'm gonna try to give you every little part of me
Every single detail you missed with your eyes
Then maybe..... yeah maybe
One day
We'll meet again and you'll need me, you'll see me completely
Every little bit
and maybe you'll love me then
I don't want to be tough and I don't want to be proud
I don't need to be fixed and I certainly don't need to be found
I'm not lost
I need to be loved
I just need to be loved
I just want to be loved by you and I won't stop 'cause I believe
That maybe..... yeah maybe
I should know better than to touch the fire twice
But I'm thinking maybe, yeah maybe you might
I'm stubborn and I make plenty of mistakes
Yeah I'm hard and life with me is never easy to figure out, to love
I'm jaded but oh so lovely
All you have to do is hold me
And you'll know and you'll see just how sweet it can be
If you'll trust me, love me, let me
Maybe, maybe
Someday
When we're at the same place
When we're on the same road
When it's okay to hold my hand
Without feeling lost
Without all the excuses
When it's just because you love me, you let me, you need me
Then maybe, maybe
All you have to do is hold me
And you'll know and you'll see just how sweet it can be
If you'll trust me, love me, let me
Maybe, maybe
I'm confusing as hell, I'm north and south
And I'll probably never have it all figured out
But what I know is I wasn't meant to walk this world without you
And I promise I'll try, I'm gonna try to give you every little part of me
Every single detail you missed with your eyes
Then maybe..... yeah maybe
One day
We'll meet again and you'll need me, you'll see me completely
Every little bit
and maybe you'll love me then
I don't want to be tough and I don't want to be proud
I don't need to be fixed and I certainly don't need to be found
I'm not lost
I need to be loved
I just need to be loved
I just want to be loved by you and I won't stop 'cause I believe
That maybe..... yeah maybe
I should know better than to touch the fire twice
But I'm thinking maybe, yeah maybe you might
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
If
If you can keep your head
While all about you
People are losing theirs and blaming you
While all about you
People are losing theirs and blaming you
If you can trust yourself
When everybody doubts you
And make allowance for their doubting too.
If you can wait
And not get tired of waiting
And when lied about
Stand tall
Don’t deal in lies
And when hated
Don’t give in to hating back
Don’t need to look so good
Don’t need to talk too wise.
If you can dream
And not make dreams your master
If you can think
And not make intellect your game
If you can meet
With triumph and disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same
If you can force your heart
And nerve and sinew
To serve you
After all of them are gone
And so hold on
When there is nothing in you
Nothing but the will
That’s telling you to hold on!
Hold on!
If you can bear to hear
The truth you’ve spoken
Twisted and misconstrued
By some smug fool
Or watch your life’s work
Torn apart and broken down
And still stoop to build again
With worn out tools.
If you can draw a crowd
And keep your virtue
Or walk with Kings
And keep the common touch
If neither enemies nor loving friends
Can hurt you
If everybody counts with you
But none too much.
If you can fill the journey
Of a minute
With sixty seconds worth of wonder and delight
Then
The Earth is yours
And Everything that’s in it
But more than that
I know
You’ll be alright
You’ll be alright.
Cause you’ve got the fight
You’ve got the insight
You’ve got the fight
You’ve got the insight
Joni Mitchell If from her new album Shine
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Little Wonders
Let it go, Let it roll right off your shoulder
Don't you know the hardest part is over
Let it in, let your clarity define you
In the end we will only just remember how it feels
Our lives are made
In these small hours
These little wonders,
These twists & turns of fate
Time falls away,
But these small hours,
These small hours still remain
Let it slide, let your troubles fall behind you
Let it shine until you feel it all around you
And i don't mind if it's me you need to turn to
We'll get by, it's the heart that really matters in the end
Our lives are made
In these small hours
These little wonders,
These twists & turns of fate
Time falls away,
But these small hours,
These small hours still remain
All of my regret will wash away some how
But i can not forget the way i feel right now
These small hours, still remain,
These little wonders
These twists & turns of fate
Time falls away
But these small hours
These little wonders still remain
Don't you know the hardest part is over
Let it in, let your clarity define you
In the end we will only just remember how it feels
Our lives are made
In these small hours
These little wonders,
These twists & turns of fate
Time falls away,
But these small hours,
These small hours still remain
Let it slide, let your troubles fall behind you
Let it shine until you feel it all around you
And i don't mind if it's me you need to turn to
We'll get by, it's the heart that really matters in the end
Our lives are made
In these small hours
These little wonders,
These twists & turns of fate
Time falls away,
But these small hours,
These small hours still remain
All of my regret will wash away some how
But i can not forget the way i feel right now
These small hours, still remain,
These little wonders
These twists & turns of fate
Time falls away
But these small hours
These little wonders still remain
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
Eight Easy Steps
How to stay paralyzed by fear of abandonment
How to defer to men in solvable predicaments
How to control someone to be a carbon copy of you
How to have that not work and have them run away from you
How to keep people at arms length and never get too close
How to mistrust the ones you supposedly love the most
How to pretend you're fine and don't need help from anyone
How to feel worthless unless you're serving or helping someone
How to hate women when you're supposed to be a feminist
How to play all pious when you're really a hypocrite
How to hate god when you're a prayer and a spiritualist
How to sabotage your fantasies by fears of success
I've been doing research for years
I've been practicing my ass off
I've been training my whole life for this moment I swear to you
Culminating just to be this well-versed leader before you
How to lie to yourself and thereby to everyone else
How to keep smiling when you're thinking of killing yourself
How to numb a la holic to avoid going within
How to stay stuck in blue by blaming them for everything
I'll teach you all this in 8 easy steps
A course of a lifetime you'll never forget
I'll show you how to in 8 easy steps
I'll show you how leaderships looks when taught by the best
How to defer to men in solvable predicaments
How to control someone to be a carbon copy of you
How to have that not work and have them run away from you
How to keep people at arms length and never get too close
How to mistrust the ones you supposedly love the most
How to pretend you're fine and don't need help from anyone
How to feel worthless unless you're serving or helping someone
How to hate women when you're supposed to be a feminist
How to play all pious when you're really a hypocrite
How to hate god when you're a prayer and a spiritualist
How to sabotage your fantasies by fears of success
I've been doing research for years
I've been practicing my ass off
I've been training my whole life for this moment I swear to you
Culminating just to be this well-versed leader before you
How to lie to yourself and thereby to everyone else
How to keep smiling when you're thinking of killing yourself
How to numb a la holic to avoid going within
How to stay stuck in blue by blaming them for everything
I'll teach you all this in 8 easy steps
A course of a lifetime you'll never forget
I'll show you how to in 8 easy steps
I'll show you how leaderships looks when taught by the best
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
What the FUCK was I thinking!
That pretty much sums it up.......
I would like to claim that the real answer is: I wasn't (thinking that is). But honestly I do believe that I have thought a lot about all of it. Not during, but after. Ignorance would be bliss here, but it would be a lie and a cop out.
And now I continue to think, probably over think, every decision, interaction, word spoken. Wasted emotional energy, I know. But it feels like if I don't learn something here... this will come again and the lesson will be harder, and probably even more devastating.
So... Smart enough to know better, too stupid to care?
No actually... Smart enough to know that I'm just not that smart (especially when it comes to things like this).
(You can thank Jenny Owen Youngs for her song Fuck Was I that got me here today)
I would like to claim that the real answer is: I wasn't (thinking that is). But honestly I do believe that I have thought a lot about all of it. Not during, but after. Ignorance would be bliss here, but it would be a lie and a cop out.
And now I continue to think, probably over think, every decision, interaction, word spoken. Wasted emotional energy, I know. But it feels like if I don't learn something here... this will come again and the lesson will be harder, and probably even more devastating.
So... Smart enough to know better, too stupid to care?
No actually... Smart enough to know that I'm just not that smart (especially when it comes to things like this).
(You can thank Jenny Owen Youngs for her song Fuck Was I that got me here today)
"Skillet on the stove... such a temptation.
Maybe I'll be the lucky one that doesn't get burned.
What the fuck was I thinking?"
Maybe I'll be the lucky one that doesn't get burned.
What the fuck was I thinking?"
Saturday, May 5, 2007
You Had Me
You had me, You lost me
You're wasted, You cost me
I don't want you here messing with my mind
Spitting in my eyes and I still see
Tried to keep me down
I'm breaking free
I don't want no part in your next fix
Someone needs to tell you this is it
Hey listen you'll be missin'
Out on all my love and my kissing
Make your mistakes on your own time
When you come down you're just no good to have around
Instead of making money you took mine
You had me, You lost me
You're wasted, You cost me
I don't want you here messing with my mind
I've realized in time that my eyes are not blind
I've seen it before I'm taking back my life
You tried to trade on my naivete
But the things you do and say embarrass me
See once upon a time I was your fool
But the one I leave behind is you
Vodka and a packet of cigarettes
That's all it used to be but now
You're sniffing on snow when you're feeling low
Suffocating dreams that could have been
Maybe for a minute I was down with that
But it didn't take long for me to see the light
You swore you had control of it
But when I stepped back you slipped on your supply
Taking it back I'm taking it back
Taking back my life
Ain't nobody got no business stressing all the time
You're wasted, You cost me
I don't want you here messing with my mind
Spitting in my eyes and I still see
Tried to keep me down
I'm breaking free
I don't want no part in your next fix
Someone needs to tell you this is it
Hey listen you'll be missin'
Out on all my love and my kissing
Make your mistakes on your own time
When you come down you're just no good to have around
Instead of making money you took mine
You had me, You lost me
You're wasted, You cost me
I don't want you here messing with my mind
I've realized in time that my eyes are not blind
I've seen it before I'm taking back my life
You tried to trade on my naivete
But the things you do and say embarrass me
See once upon a time I was your fool
But the one I leave behind is you
Vodka and a packet of cigarettes
That's all it used to be but now
You're sniffing on snow when you're feeling low
Suffocating dreams that could have been
Maybe for a minute I was down with that
But it didn't take long for me to see the light
You swore you had control of it
But when I stepped back you slipped on your supply
Taking it back I'm taking it back
Taking back my life
Ain't nobody got no business stressing all the time
Thursday, May 3, 2007
Wreck Of The Day
Driving away from the wreck of the day
And the light's always red in the rear-view
Desperately close to a coffin of hope
I'd cheat destiny just to be near you
If this is giving up, then I'm giving up
On love
Driving away from the wreck of the day
And I'm thinking 'bout calling on Jesus
'Cause love doesn't hurt so I know I'm not falling in love
I'm just falling to pieces
And if this is giving up then I'm giving up
On love
And maybe I'm not up for being a victim of love
When all my resistance will never be distance enough
Driving away from the wreck of the day
And it's finally quiet in my head
Driving alone, finally on my way home to the comfort of my bed
And if this is giving up, then I'm giving up
On love
And the light's always red in the rear-view
Desperately close to a coffin of hope
I'd cheat destiny just to be near you
If this is giving up, then I'm giving up
On love
Driving away from the wreck of the day
And I'm thinking 'bout calling on Jesus
'Cause love doesn't hurt so I know I'm not falling in love
I'm just falling to pieces
And if this is giving up then I'm giving up
On love
And maybe I'm not up for being a victim of love
When all my resistance will never be distance enough
Driving away from the wreck of the day
And it's finally quiet in my head
Driving alone, finally on my way home to the comfort of my bed
And if this is giving up, then I'm giving up
On love
Friday, April 13, 2007
Unwritten
I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined
I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned
Staring at the blank page before you open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you can not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten
I break tradition, sometimes my tries, are outside the lines
We've been conditioned to not make mistakes, but I can't live that way
Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you can not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten
Monday, April 9, 2007
The Sign on the Door
I was reminded late last week that when you are going through hard times, surrounding yourself with a good support system will keep you from going crazy.
Speaking of friends, here's a song that I've had on repeat the last week. Surely not my first heartbreak, but possibly my worst. Yeah. And for now I can't imagine anything or anyone who could make me want to do this again... to fall in love. But in the meantime, nursing my wounds with you all, well, I can't think of any place else I'd rather be.
Wendy's sittin' next to me, she's trying hard to drink it away
And I feel the rumble of the subway beneath the stage
And her eyes are screaming and her lips are pursed
And this ain't her first heartache
But it feels like, it feels like the worst
And she says, "Can someone tell me how this can happen?"
And I guess that God only knows
My heart used to be the sweet shop of love
But now the sign on the door
It says sorry we're closed
And I hear myself tell her some old words I know they won't help
And then I feel guilty 'cause I closed some sweet shops myself
And we all talk about timing and lifestyles and such
But to a heart that's been shattered those words don't mean that much
And all of our pining it just goes to show
Don't you enter a shop with the sign on the door
Saying sorry we're closed
And she's been through all the pain that one can endure
And her new man thinks she loves him but he can't be sure
And his heart pines for Wendy
She says that's how it goes
How am I supposed to know
He can't read the sign saying sorry we're closed
Yeah we're closed
And she says, "Can someone tell me how this can happen?"
And I guess that God only knows
My heart used to be the sweet shop of love
But there's a sign on the door
There's a sign on the door
One more sign...
Speaking of friends, here's a song that I've had on repeat the last week. Surely not my first heartbreak, but possibly my worst. Yeah. And for now I can't imagine anything or anyone who could make me want to do this again... to fall in love. But in the meantime, nursing my wounds with you all, well, I can't think of any place else I'd rather be.
Wendy's sittin' next to me, she's trying hard to drink it away
And I feel the rumble of the subway beneath the stage
And her eyes are screaming and her lips are pursed
And this ain't her first heartache
But it feels like, it feels like the worst
And she says, "Can someone tell me how this can happen?"
And I guess that God only knows
My heart used to be the sweet shop of love
But now the sign on the door
It says sorry we're closed
And I hear myself tell her some old words I know they won't help
And then I feel guilty 'cause I closed some sweet shops myself
And we all talk about timing and lifestyles and such
But to a heart that's been shattered those words don't mean that much
And all of our pining it just goes to show
Don't you enter a shop with the sign on the door
Saying sorry we're closed
And she's been through all the pain that one can endure
And her new man thinks she loves him but he can't be sure
And his heart pines for Wendy
She says that's how it goes
How am I supposed to know
He can't read the sign saying sorry we're closed
Yeah we're closed
And she says, "Can someone tell me how this can happen?"
And I guess that God only knows
My heart used to be the sweet shop of love
But there's a sign on the door
There's a sign on the door
One more sign...
Thursday, April 5, 2007
Right to be Wrong
Dealing with other people's feelingsand opinions about my life and my choices has never been easy for me. I have to remind myself that: Those that matter don't mind and those that mind, don't matter. But I think Joss Stone said it even better....
"Right To Be Wrong"
I've got a right to be wrong, My mistakes will make me strong
I'm stepping out into the great unknown
I'm feeling wings though I've never flown
I've got a mind of my own
I'm flesh and blood to the bone, I'm not made of stone
Got a right to be wrong, So just leave me alone
I've got a right to be wrong, I've been held down too long
I've got to break free, So I can finally breathe
I've got a right to be wrong
Got to sing my own song
I might be singing out of key, But it sure feels good to me
Got a right to be wrong, So just leave me alone
You're entitled to your opinion, But it's really my decision
I can't turn back I'm on a mission
If you care don't you dare blur my vision
Let me be all that I can be, Don't smother me with negativity
Whatever's out there waiting for me
I'm going to faced it willingly
I've got a right to be wrong, My mistakes will make me strong
I'm stepping out into the great unknown
I'm feeling wings though I've never flown
I've got a mind of my own
I'm flesh and blood to the bone, I'm not made of stone
Got a right to be wrong, So just leave me alone
I've got a right to be wrong, I've been held down too long
I've got to break free, So I can finally breathe
I've got a right to be wrong
Got to sing my own song
I might be singing out of key, But it sure feels good to me
Got a right to be wrong, So just leave me alone
You're entitled to your opinion, But it's really my decision
I can't turn back I'm on a mission
If you care don't you dare blur my vision
Let me be all that I can be, Don't smother me with negativity
Whatever's out there waiting for me
I'm going to faced it willingly
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Time after Time
Lying in my bed I hear the clock tick and think of you
caught up in circles -- confusion is nothing new
Flashback--warm nights-- almost left behind
suitcases of memories,
time after--
sometimes you picture me--
I'm walking too far ahead
you're calling to me, I can't hear what you've said--
Then you say--go slow-- I fall behind--
the second hand unwinds
if you're lost you can look--and you will find me
time after time
if you fall I will catch you--I'll be waiting
time after time
after my picture fades and darkness has turned to gray
watching through windows--you're wondering if I'm OK
secrets stolen from deep inside
the drum beats out of time--
I don't know how much slower I can go. I need to keep walking and you are still behind, and everyday you fall farther behind. I don't think we are in the same place. I need you and mostly you are in your own world. I'm yours for the taking, but you don't want me. I lay there wondering how I can keep wanting something different in my head than what you are giving.
I hear other single people saying being single sucks. But I wonder what is truly worse, being alone or being with someone who can't give you what you need.
I guess I am about to find out....
caught up in circles -- confusion is nothing new
Flashback--warm nights-- almost left behind
suitcases of memories,
time after--
sometimes you picture me--
I'm walking too far ahead
you're calling to me, I can't hear what you've said--
Then you say--go slow-- I fall behind--
the second hand unwinds
if you're lost you can look--and you will find me
time after time
if you fall I will catch you--I'll be waiting
time after time
after my picture fades and darkness has turned to gray
watching through windows--you're wondering if I'm OK
secrets stolen from deep inside
the drum beats out of time--
I don't know how much slower I can go. I need to keep walking and you are still behind, and everyday you fall farther behind. I don't think we are in the same place. I need you and mostly you are in your own world. I'm yours for the taking, but you don't want me. I lay there wondering how I can keep wanting something different in my head than what you are giving.
I hear other single people saying being single sucks. But I wonder what is truly worse, being alone or being with someone who can't give you what you need.
I guess I am about to find out....
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
Wasted
Standing at the back door , She tried to make it fast
One tear hit the hard wood, It felt like broken glass
She said sometimes love slips away, and you just can't get it back
Let's face it
For one split second, she almost turned around
But that would be like pouring rain drops back into a cloud
So she took another step and said I see the way out
and I'm gonna' take it
I don't wanna' spend my life jaded
Waiting to wake up one day and find
That I've let all these years go by
Wasted
Another glass of whiskey but it still don't kill the pain
So he stumbles to the sink and pours it down the drain
He says it's time to be a man and stop living for yesterday
Gotta face it.
Oh I don't wanna' keep on wishing, missing
But still every morning the color of the night
I ain't spending no more time
Wasted
She kept driving along
Till the moon and the sun were floating side-by-side
He looked in the mirror and his eyes were clear
For the first time in a while
One tear hit the hard wood, It felt like broken glass
She said sometimes love slips away, and you just can't get it back
Let's face it
For one split second, she almost turned around
But that would be like pouring rain drops back into a cloud
So she took another step and said I see the way out
and I'm gonna' take it
I don't wanna' spend my life jaded
Waiting to wake up one day and find
That I've let all these years go by
Wasted
Another glass of whiskey but it still don't kill the pain
So he stumbles to the sink and pours it down the drain
He says it's time to be a man and stop living for yesterday
Gotta face it.
Oh I don't wanna' keep on wishing, missing
But still every morning the color of the night
I ain't spending no more time
Wasted
She kept driving along
Till the moon and the sun were floating side-by-side
He looked in the mirror and his eyes were clear
For the first time in a while
Monday, March 5, 2007
You Live, You Learn
It's still hard for me to let go of the ideal that marriage is suppose to last forever. And more importantly, what does it say about me that I couldn't make a marriage work. I know what's done is done, you cannot go back. But at times, I still question: Maybe if I had tried harder, maybe if I hung on a little longer, would we have figured it out? Could we have made it work?
The truth is, there will always be "maybes" in life. Hind-sight is 20/20 right? Well, maybe not perfect, but it is at least better. What I see now looking back is so different than what I saw then. First of all, time does heal many hurts. But also, I am looking back with eyes that have learned some things in this intervening time and have become so much more emotionally mature. So, although it may be that time and distance helps us grow and heal, and maybe now I can see where I might have done things different, more importantly, I realize I could never have known this then, in that place I was, because I wasn't who I am today. So for today, I must take away what I've learned and move forward.
Most days, I talk myself off this "guilt" ledge by reminding myself that staying in a marriage with irreconcilable issues was no example for my children. Years from now, if my daughter comes to me and described a relationship where she is unhappy, and try as she might she cannot find a way to be happy, do I tell her to stay, no matter what? Or do you take her in my arms and tell her sometimes, honey, life doesn't work out the way we think. And then help her with the long process of getting back to a place where once again she can see what she wants her life to look like. Helping her put the pieces back together, to put one foot in front of the other. We live and we learn, right? Isn't that what we are likely to tell our children? So why can we not tell ourselves this same thing? Why don't we allow ourselves that?
After all isn't it these lessons in life that teach us who we are? We must not forget that we learn invaluable lessons in getting our hearts broken. We learn when we fall and we learn when we fail. These lessons hopefully make is stronger and better. A better person, a better parent and hopefuly, a better partner, or at the very least a little wiser. We won't make the same mistakes again. Or we *hope* we won't anyway.
It isn't that I regret leaving, so much as I wish I knew then what I know now. The things I know now about myself..... But somethings you can only know by going through it. And more importantly, by trying and failing. So while you keep your eyes on the road ahead, don't forget to glance in the rear-view mirror on occation just to keep in sight where you've been. And, after all, I would not be who I am without having learned that: Ideals aren't always so ideal.
So as Alanis would say: "Swallow it down, that jagged-little pill"
The truth is, there will always be "maybes" in life. Hind-sight is 20/20 right? Well, maybe not perfect, but it is at least better. What I see now looking back is so different than what I saw then. First of all, time does heal many hurts. But also, I am looking back with eyes that have learned some things in this intervening time and have become so much more emotionally mature. So, although it may be that time and distance helps us grow and heal, and maybe now I can see where I might have done things different, more importantly, I realize I could never have known this then, in that place I was, because I wasn't who I am today. So for today, I must take away what I've learned and move forward.
Most days, I talk myself off this "guilt" ledge by reminding myself that staying in a marriage with irreconcilable issues was no example for my children. Years from now, if my daughter comes to me and described a relationship where she is unhappy, and try as she might she cannot find a way to be happy, do I tell her to stay, no matter what? Or do you take her in my arms and tell her sometimes, honey, life doesn't work out the way we think. And then help her with the long process of getting back to a place where once again she can see what she wants her life to look like. Helping her put the pieces back together, to put one foot in front of the other. We live and we learn, right? Isn't that what we are likely to tell our children? So why can we not tell ourselves this same thing? Why don't we allow ourselves that?
After all isn't it these lessons in life that teach us who we are? We must not forget that we learn invaluable lessons in getting our hearts broken. We learn when we fall and we learn when we fail. These lessons hopefully make is stronger and better. A better person, a better parent and hopefuly, a better partner, or at the very least a little wiser. We won't make the same mistakes again. Or we *hope* we won't anyway.
It isn't that I regret leaving, so much as I wish I knew then what I know now. The things I know now about myself..... But somethings you can only know by going through it. And more importantly, by trying and failing. So while you keep your eyes on the road ahead, don't forget to glance in the rear-view mirror on occation just to keep in sight where you've been. And, after all, I would not be who I am without having learned that: Ideals aren't always so ideal.
So as Alanis would say: "Swallow it down, that jagged-little pill"
Sunday, February 25, 2007
Bitch
I once had a guy tell me when he heard the song Bitch by Merideth Brooks, it made him think of me. In my early 20's I was deeply offended by the implication that I was a bitch. After all, how could I be a bitch? I try so hard to have people like me, and this man who claimed to love me, thought I was a BITCH (even if only some of this time).
Now in my early 30's I embrace the bitch in me. Well, actually, I've learned that there are many piece and parts of me that make up the whole of me, and yes, sometimes I am a bitch.
I hate the world today
You're so good to me, I know, but I can't change
Tried to tell you, but you look at me like maybe
I'm an angel underneath… Innocent and sweet
Yesterday I cried, must have been relieved to see the softer side
I can understand how you'd be so confused
I don't envy you
I'm a little bit of everything
All rolled into one
I'm a bitch, I'm a lover
I'm a child, I'm a mother
I'm a sinner, I'm a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I'm your hell, I'm your dream
I'm nothing in between
You know you wouldn't want it any other way
So take me as I am
This may mean you'll have to be a stronger man
Rest assured that when I start to make you nervous
And I'm going to extremes
Tomorrow I will change
And today won't mean a thing
Just when you think, you got me figured out
The season's already changing
I think it's cool, you do what you do
And don't try to save me
I'm a bitch, I'm a tease
I'm a goddess on my knees
When you hurt, when you suffer
I'm your angel undercover
I've been numb, I'm revived
Can't say I'm not alive
You know I wouldn't want it any other way
Now in my early 30's I embrace the bitch in me. Well, actually, I've learned that there are many piece and parts of me that make up the whole of me, and yes, sometimes I am a bitch.
I hate the world today
You're so good to me, I know, but I can't change
Tried to tell you, but you look at me like maybe
I'm an angel underneath… Innocent and sweet
Yesterday I cried, must have been relieved to see the softer side
I can understand how you'd be so confused
I don't envy you
I'm a little bit of everything
All rolled into one
I'm a bitch, I'm a lover
I'm a child, I'm a mother
I'm a sinner, I'm a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I'm your hell, I'm your dream
I'm nothing in between
You know you wouldn't want it any other way
So take me as I am
This may mean you'll have to be a stronger man
Rest assured that when I start to make you nervous
And I'm going to extremes
Tomorrow I will change
And today won't mean a thing
Just when you think, you got me figured out
The season's already changing
I think it's cool, you do what you do
And don't try to save me
I'm a bitch, I'm a tease
I'm a goddess on my knees
When you hurt, when you suffer
I'm your angel undercover
I've been numb, I'm revived
Can't say I'm not alive
You know I wouldn't want it any other way
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