32.... Now What?

Freaking Years Old!

How the Hell did that happen? It seems like just yesterday when I thought 30 was way old. And then I turned 30 and I think I thought time would just stop there. No such luck! So here I am 32.... and I have to ask.... now what? For as long as I can remember, we had age milestones that we looked towards. When I'm 18... when I'm 21... when I'm 30.... but once those have come (and gone), then what?

I think I mostly feel good about where I am at. Glad to be older. Thankful to be wiser. I don't get the patronizing tone of 'When your older, you'll understand' bullshit. I no longer find myself wishing to be older/wiser/better/different. I know that I am right where I need to be. I can still doubt myself at times, but I find more and more that I'm not unsure of myself as much as I once was. Navigating the terrain in front of me with the opinions of other people as my map and light never got me anywhere, accept further lost and stuck. Why it was that I learned to trust others more than I trusted my own inner voice, is hard to say. But I did.

Now I am trying to navigate my own path. It was like cresting the hill and now the view is different.

I just am who I am. Where I once struggled to be the best I could be, I am content that I am not perfect. I like myself. Imperfections and all. When I was younger, I worried people wouldn't like me, but the older I get I realize people love me for who I am, and it is better that they love for for who I am then who I am not. Sounds so cliché, but I think I get this more now than I ever have in the past. So many times I have found myself searching for the approval of others, when really the best thing I have found is my own approval of myself.

So to answer my own question... now what? Well, I don't know. But what I do know... the view looks good.