The Fairytale

Have you ever thought your life should end up like a movie? Say Pretty Woman? Well, maybe not Pretty Woman, because how many of us dream of being hookers falling for a rich john (not sure why that happens to be my twisted fairytale, but it seems fitting). OK, substitute some other, more appropriate, hopelessly romantic story where "Prince Charming" swoops in, they fall madly in love with each other, he sweeps her (who is almost always less than perfect in circumstance, but perfect in demeanor) off her feet in the most incredibly romantic way, and saves her from her poor, pathetic life?

So maybe we don't buy this in exactly the same way we did when we were seven, because well, how sad would it be to believe we are not whole or complete alone and that we must be saved by some swooning man in order to be happy? I digress... But do you think deep down some people maintain a belief in fairy tale true love long into adulthood? Do we hope for the perfect courtship and happily ever after? Is this illusion stored in the back of our minds, in our subconscious where we keep all the ideals of our lives, tucked away safely like mementos in a hope chest?

I think I have always believed in this fantasy to some extent. Not completely, but enough that this impractical expectation has colored how successful I believe a relationship is. I can't quite bring myself to part with this, even though over time and circumstance, I've long outgrown such silly ideas. If it isn't "just how it should be", then maybe it isn't the "Fairy Tale", and maybe it isn't meant to be.

The reality is, we end up in relationships where we don't live happily ever after. We work everyday, the effort being harder and more frustrating than digging a hole on the shore while the waves come to undo what we have done again and again. We struggle, we try different solutions, we compromise, we settle and we make deals we thought we'd never make. In attempts to find intimacy we try to work through misunderstandings and being better understood. We try, and we try again, even when we don't find what we are looking for. We seek to comprehend things that are beyond our perception. We give and give and give some more, and what we get in return isn't quit what we hoped for. Sometimes, we even let go of the things we cherish the most in hopes that we will find something better on the other side, only to be disappointed and resentful when we don't get what we need. And sometimes we fail, ultimately just wanting to quit and walk away.

It's not to say that it is all bad, these relationships. Lots of time it is so right and perfect in the moment you can't help but stop and laugh at the little guy on your shoulder who tells you that it shouldn't be this hard and you are making a HUGE mistake to keep trying. Sometime you have that precious feeling of "he gets me". You have that moment of simpatico. Often it is a look, a touch, and things are just good. The arms around you feel so right, the sustenance they provide is comforting right down to your bones. At these times, I just close my eyes and smile. Breathe. Take in the moment. Enjoy. Because unlike the fairy tales, it doesn't end here. Everyone doesn't live happily ever after. Life goes on with more struggles, and more moments of bliss. We just hope that overall the bliss outweighs the struggles.

But is the ideal: Once we conquer the struggle, we should live in eternal bliss, while ever elusive, keeping us from being content and satisfied? That: Prince Charming should be perfect in every way and complete us so entirely, making us wonder if there is someone more fulfilling out there for us? Do we put way too much emphasis on the "fairy tale" romance, therefore never letting ourself believe that things are gratifying, let alone good enough? Do we question a relationship's value by questioning "Should it really be this hard?"

The truth is, as nice as our fantasies can be, nothing of value comes easy. The struggle between good and evil can be equated to the fact that we find greater worth in that which we must fight for. Though it is never perfect, the progress we make helps us to be more satisfied together. There is no dragon to slay (unless you count his stubborn ways), there is no witch to trick (unless you consider my less than nice demeanor) and no one was locked in the attic waiting to be rescued (unless you reflect on the ways we help each other save ourselves time and again). We don't get the fairy tale ending kiss and the happily forever after fading into the sunset. Instead, each day we get to wake up next to each other, and for good and bad, we have been given the promise of one more day together. Because the only part of happy ever I find that works is: the after. That after all is said and done, we continue to come back to each other. Again, hoping to have happiness even after all.