A Day I Will Remember Forever

Not because for the first time ever in the history of the United States an African American man was elected president....

No......... I will remember this day as the day I first heard my daughter call another woman Mom. A woman who hasn't EVEN known my children for a whole year. Does the title Mom MEAN something anymore? Doesn't that title have to be EARNED? I am sad, but even more MAD at the adults that they would teach/support/encourage/allow my children to be so cavalier with this honor. As if it means little or nothing for one to have such a title. As if respecting your Mother and Father above others is not necessary, that they are easily replaced. And maybe I am being a little dramatic here after all it is just a word. But in my heart of hearts it should mean more than that. And I am dissapointed that I have not taught my children the sacred meaning of that word.

To pretend I didn't see this coming would just be naive. But I can say I must have done a really good job of fooling myself into believing it wouldn't happen - because when it did hear it I cannot describe how very much it hurt. Like being hit by a car - no matter how many times I looked before I crossed the street - this one seemly came out of nowhere. Yet in hindsight I know I wasn't looking carefully enough. Wishing that I would be lucky enough to avoid this.

Lately I have struggled to tread water in the swelling river of "the teenage years" - fighting the current of teenage angst - and now I am also feeling the weight of a new step mom for my children.

For as long as I can remember all I ever wanted to be was a Mom. I didn't have career aspirations like the rest of the kids I knew, the only thing I knew for sure was that when I grew up I wanted kids - and more specifically I hoped for a daughter.

Lucky, lucky me.... not only did I get two kids, one of each: a daughter and a son, I am incredibly blessed to have healthy, beautiful, smart children who are growing to make me more proud everyday. And now as I realize just how honored I am to have the title of Mom - I also have to realize that with that title comes some amazingly hard responsibilities. For as selfish as I would like to be about this, I know as their Mom it is my duty to do what is best for them. As much as I would like to be such a giood Mom and have such a solid relationship with my kids that they would never ever consider calling someone selse Mom, as much as I would like to believe that I am irreplaceable - the truth is I cannot make them feel guilty for feeling how they feel. I cannot be mad or insist that I am their only Mom. I must let go and let them decide in their hearts what Mom means to them and accept that sharing that title with another woman is truly their decision - not mine.

God gave me these children because I had lots to learn. I have taken for granted my role and my relationship with my children - assuming it was a given that I am their Mom - and that I alone would have that. When in truth the hardest part about being a Mom is knowing when to let go and let your kids who they are going to be. And that includes allowing them to have whatever relationships they will have in this life with who they will.

Doesn't change that it hurts all the same......................