The Measure of a Man

The X has a very "special" relationship with his mother. It is an on going joke that she is his Wother (Wife/Mother). She cooks for him, cleans his house, does his laundry. Recently while we were chatting about his recent relationship ending, we talked about the "wother" effect. I told him, "It was very hard while we were married to compete with your relationship with your Mother. No one could ever take care of you as good as she could." It was frustrating, to say the least, that she felt this was a women role. And when I didn't do this good enough, she stepped in.

I know that many men are "mamma's boys" and having a son of my own I hope I have a good bond with my son. But I DON'T want to "take care" of him for the rest of his life. I want him to be a good husband and father someday. I hope to teach him to take care of himself and one step further, to "man up" and take care of the women in his life. Somehow as women we get something from taking care of people, after all it is our role as Mothers to take care of our children. But the problem is we sometime forget that our job is to also teach our children to take care of themselves. Even though we CAN do it for them, it is best to stand back and let them do it for themselves. Now, don't get me wrong, the X can certainly take care of himself. He does well for himself professionally, he can cook, do laundry, take care of his house and kids. The problem is he LETS his mother do these things because, well, she will. And for me, standing back and looking at this dynamic all of these years later, I know that I didn't want a man that needed to be taken care of. I wanted a partner. Women were not put on this earth to take care of you. It was my hope that WE would take care of each other. Hence, why he is the X.

In my opinion (and of course just like assholes everyone has one) the measure of a man is getting to the place where you don't LET people take care of you when you don't need it, just because they will. It feels incredibly lazy and selfish.

The true measure of a man is a son who says "Mom, I can do this. You sit down. After all, all the years you spent taking care of me, let me take care of you." And if this were me, I would know I taught my son well.

Because as Mother's, Wives, Caretakers it is nice to be taken care of sometimes too.