The Dance

Relationships are like dancing. Some people you just click with and the dance is effortless, you move through the steps as if you are one. And with others it is clumsy and awkward, like Baby learning to dance with Johnny in Dirty Dancing. Feet stepping on feet, heads bonking. Or worse.

I'm kind of a strong person, so sometimes it is hard to navigate this dance with a partner. Maybe it is my internal struggle with traditional roles that I fight where I believe I am suppose to defer, yet my dominate personality directs me to do otherwise, I don't know. Even though I find that I can lead, the truth is, I mostly don't want to lead, I want to follow.

But even coming to this realization, if you seem befuddled, I will likely take over and direct. It is hard to not take the lead when a partner isn't communicative. If you can't communicate, I might as well dance with myself. Give me direction and I will follow. It's this "giving direction" that seems to be hard for some people. And maybe because I am a strong partner they are afraid to direct me. But I will follow your lead, if you prove competent and I trust you.

I realize some people are easy to follow and some aren't. Some partners just have a knack for leading. The trust becomes implicit and I follow them naturally. Other times, I fumble trying to trust, but never allowing myself to fully let a partner lead. I am waiting for a cue, but I become impatient (Patience was never a virtue I mastered). Sometimes I just can't figure out what is wanted from me. I will go where you lead, if I can figure that out. I can get confused by the signals and I step where it wasn't intended, I stop before I should, and sway to the left as my partner swings to the right. So, frustrated, I tend to take over and try to lead.

It is this confusion, to lead or to follow, that causes the awkwardness in the dance. And then I question, "Should it be this hard?" And there are all kinds of dynamics that are created when I "take over" the lead from a partner who wants to lead, but just isn't, in my eyes. It's just easier for me if you are a strong lead, or you clearly follow.

Even with the best of partners, though, I may on occasion like to lead. It's just me. But mostly, I do want to follow. I want to have a partner who can direct. Who I trust. Who knows how to lead, but can be graceful enough to defer at times.

It is rarely perfect and in sync when you start, but over time, you learn together to dance effortlessly and the give and the take comes without thought. Or not.... and you never learn to navigate each other and it is always awkward as you struggle to define your role in this dance.